Ranking the Seven Brides and Seven Brothers

One of my favourite movie scenes of all time is the Barn Raising Dance in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

gif by me

And to honour this iconic scene, and the fact that this movie premiered 70 years ago today, we're going to have some fun with today's post: we're ranking, from worst to best, all of the brides and all of the brothers based on the Barn Raising Dance. 

Although let's be clear: in the case of the brothers, who kidnap all the brides to trap them into marriage, they all technically suck. Anyways!

#7 Brother: Adam (Howard Keel)

gif by me

I initially wanted to put Benjamin as the worst brother, since he can't dance, but then I remembered that Adam exists, and he's the one to blame for this entire movie. He's the one who convinces his feral man-children brothers that all they need are brides of their own, he helps them kidnap all the prized women in town, and then when he doesn't get his own way, he runs off leaving his pregnant wife behind!

#7 Bride: Alice (Youngest, Pale Pink Dress)

gif by me

Nothing against her but she's so young! She shouldn't be anywhere near courtin' age. She needs to be at home with her family, growing up and then maybe in a few years, she can marry Gideon. 

#6 Brother: Benjamin (Orange Shirt)

gif by me

He can't dance! You watch the barn raising dance scene again and you'll notice that he's always in the back barely moving, and it's such a shame because his bride is Dorcas, played by Julie Newmar, who was a trained ballerina!

#6 Bride: Ruth (Blue Dress)

gif by me

She's way too cool for any of these brothers, look at how prim her dress is and how stylish her ponytail is! She needs to haul trail to Hollywood, is what she needs to do, and that's why she's ranked so low.

#5 Brother: Gideon (Blue Shirt)

gif by me

Gideon just annoys me, honestly, and it's mostly because of his actor, Russ Tamblyn. There's something about the way he dances where he looks like he knows he's in a movie and he's trying to ape for the camera. Also, he's a child. He shouldn't be thinking of marrying anyone, let alone Alice who looks like she's 12!

#5 Bride: Dorcas (Purple Dress)

gif by me (she's there in the background because her partner can't dance!)

I want to rank Dorcas higher but it's so hard to when she gets stuck with the worst dancer of the bunch! She carries that relationship though, and it's all due to Julie Newmar's magnetism. 

#4 Brother: Caleb (Yellow Shirt)

gif by me

Honestly, he's just boring, yellow shirt aside.

#4 Bride: Milly (Jane Powell)

gif by me

She's ranked this low because she shouldn't be encouraging the brothers on how to woo women when she lives in a house full of apes; but she's Jane Powell, so... 

#3 Brother: Daniel (Purple Shirt)

gif by me

He's a good dancer but what gets him ranked so high is that he's so cheesy during the arm wrestling scene. Look how over the top he's being, leaning on the townsfolk like that. 

#3 Bride: Sarah (Yellow Dress)

gif by me

She makes the best facial expressions during the barn raising dance and yellow is my favourite colour, so that tells you there's no rhyme or reason to these rankings, I'm just going on thoughts and instincts. And as a yellow-loving brunette like Sarah, she's got my vote! Just not my ultimate vote for reasons that will become clear as you keep reading.

#2 Brother: Ephraim (Green Shirt)

gif by me

Should Ephraim be ranked so high when he's not in a lot of dance scenes and then his actor, Jacques d'Amboise, disappears towards the end of the film because he had to return to the New York City Ballet and there's an extra standing in for him? I make the rules here, and I say yes. I love watching Jacques d'Amboise dance!

#2 Bride: Martha (Green Dress)

gif by me

Martha is such a good dancer and she's fun in the spotlights she gets, including this little Hawaiian interlude. 

#1 Brother: Frank (Red Shirt)

gif by me

He's the best dancer out of the brothers; you can't help but focus on Tommy Rall when he's dancing! Plus, the 'log rolling' in the well and the arm wrestling are just iconic. I stan. 

#1 Bride: Liza (Pink Checkered Dress)

gif by me

Liza is hands down the best dancer of the bunch. You can tell because she's in all of the stand-out scenes and is always positioned in the front for group scenes. She also ends up with one of my favourite brothers, Ephraim, so she gets bonus points. 

___

How would you rank the seven brides and seven brothers? Let me know in the comments!