"Wait Til You See What's in It"

January 18, 2021

"Wait Til You See What's in It" - Bathing Beauty

It's Blue Monday, and I could do with some cheering up, so let's take a look at my favourite Esther Williams movie: Bathing Beauty.

gif by me

Let's dive in (literally)!

Bathing Beauty was Esther Williams's first starring role. She'd appeared in bit or uncredited roles in Andy Hardy's Double Life and A Guy Named Joe while she, at her own request, learned how to act and how movies were made.

This was released in 1944, and was initially called Mr. Co-Ed until MGM executives realized that Esther was the true star of the film (sorry Red!).

In Los Angeles, Steve (played by Red Skelton) is a successful songwriter, and, poolside, he's written a song for his fiancée, Caroline (played by Esther Williams). He gives the music and lyrics to Carl Ramirez and his band to play just as Caroline arrives.

Here she comes!

So glamorous!

Caroline, who's a swimming instructor at a ladies college, has pledged to give up her career once she's married. But until then, we get an elegant water ballet by Esther Williams, whose skill was unparalleled.

Did you know that it's because of Esther Williams that we have waterproof mascara (and waterproof makeup in general)? There's a fascinating podcast episode from You Must Remember This's 'Make Me Over' series called Esther Williams and the Birth of Waterproof Makeup (narrated by Rachel Syme, one of my favourite writers) that you should definitely listen to! (Click here)

And here's Steve. He's going to give up his career as a songwriter as well once they're married. What these crazy kids intend to do with themselves, I'm not quite sure, but love is love, so congratulations!

Caroline: I've a surprise for you.

Steve: What?

Caroline: I can cook.

Steve: Sweetheart, I have a surprise for you. I can't eat.

Not so fast, though! This is George Adams, Steve's agent. He's played deliciously evilly by Basil Rathbone, and he's not going to let Steve throw away a lucrative career.

George: Hello, Cugie, I'm here to find out what goes on with that crazy songwriter.

Cugat: You mean Elliott?

George: I mean Elliott. He came to write music for my water pageant. And what do I get? Nothing. I send at least 20 wires asking what's wrong. What does he answer? Nothing. Cugie, I can't stand it. What's happened to him? Where is he?

Cugat: He's at the pool, of course. Where else?

George: The pool? What are you talking about? He hates water.

Cugat: But wait till you see what's in it.

George: Oh, no. Don't tell me it's a woman. I can't believe it. Steve would never fall for a bathing suit.

Cugat: But wait til you see what's in it.

So he cooks up a plan to ensure that Steve's available to write the songs for his new water pageant, and he teams up with a singer at the resort, Maria Dorango, to make it work.

Soon, Steve and Caroline are married, and just as the priest says, "I now pronounce you man and wife," it all hits the fan.

(I love Caroline's wedding dress and that elegant hat!)

Maria bursts into the room to interrupt the proceedings. "This man is my husband, and I have the proof," she says.

Her proof is Pablo, Paco and Pedro: three redheaded sons that supposedly inherited that genetic trait from their father, Steve.

And of course, the only logical thing to do in a movie is to run off rather than confront the truth, otherwise the movie would end 10 minutes in. So Caroline runs off...

...and boards a plane back to her old teaching job at Victoria College.

Steve: George, she's gone and I've lost her.

George: Steady, Steve. Caroline isn't the only girl.

Steve: Well, she is for me.

George: We'll leave for New York immediately. In times of stress, work is the solution. Now, you finish packing. I'll pay the bill. Buck up. You must bury yourself in your music.

Steve: Yeah, I'd just as soon bury myself.

He then calls Cugat to see if that singer, Maria, is around (she's mysteriously disappeared) and if he knows where Caroline went. Cugat tells him that she went somewhere that sounds like a cow: Jersey. Steve realizes then that she's gone back to New Jersey, and back to her teaching job.

So Steve goes rushing off to New Jersey as well, to explain everything to Caroline and bring her back to Los Angeles.

Steve: Hey, is this Victoria College?

College Staff: It isn't West Point.

Steve: Well, we finally made it. Fling open the gates, my good man, I'm in a hurry.

College Staff: Just hold your horses. The gates don't fling until I find out what you want.

Steve: Oh, I wanna see Miss Caroline Brooks.

The staff member then informs him that men aren't allowed in: they don't accept male students (nor male students with red hair, which seems redundant).

Steve then goes to the Town and Country Club to drown his sorrows, where he runs into his old pal Harry James of Harry James and his Music Makers. Harry says that he needs the music Steve's working on (like George does), and Steve promises to get on it first thing in the morning...

...however, then he meets attorney Chester Klazenfrantz, who just so happens to be working on the charter for Victoria College. It turns out that though they don't admit men, there's nothing that officially says so in their charter, which is why Chester's working on it.

Steve sees a silver lining here...

...and enrolls the next morning. The admissions officer interrupts a staff meeting to let Dean Clinton (and Caroline) know that a redheaded man is trying to enroll, saying that he "has a thirst for knowledge. And he wants to quench it in our swimming pool."

Dean Clinton asks Caroline to look after the situation.

...and she comes face to face with her estranged husband for the first time since their wedding day.

Caroline: Evidently you're not aware of it, but this is a girls' school.

Steve: Evidently you're not aware of it, Miss Brooks, but this is a girls' school for boys. It says so in the charter. Page 10, Section Six. Of course, if you were to drop the annulment proceedings, I might be persuaded not to enter.

Caroline rushes back to the staff meeting to let Dean Clinton know what Steve said, and she reluctantly admits that he's right: men can enroll. To avoid any publicity against the matter, because Victoria College is an old money school with a very "cloistered" atmosphere, she says that Steve should be allowed to enroll.

So Caroline escorts him to his dormitory with a warning: all students are placed on a two-week probationary period and can be dismissed if they acquire a certain amount of demerits. The plan is to help him get as many demerits as he can within that time; Steve, however, is just happy to be back in Caroline's orbit.

Steve: Oh, now, this is charming. What is it, the Victoria swap shop?

Caroline: Unfortunately, all our best rooms are occupied. I hope you'll be very uncomfortable here. Now, here's you schedule of classes. You'll find them quite heavy.

Steve: Gosh, what a romantic spot for a honeymoon.

Caroline: Here is your book of rules and regulations.

Steve: You know, you have the longest eyelashes.

Caroline: You're expected to follow those implicitly.

Steve: Your hair's kind of silky. Did you ever try braiding it?

Caroline: We especially stress neatness, truthfulness and punctuality.

Steve: You know, I dream about you every night.

Caroline: Now we come to the subject of discipline. Each student is allowed 100 demerits

per semester.

Steve: You're lovelier than I remembered.

Caroline: And we give them very freely, especially to you. One hundred and out you go.

Steve: Well, I can hardly wait.

Caroline: Oh, really? And 20 demerits for insubordination.

Steve: How many demerits for kissing a teacher?

Caroline: Enough to expel you, you wolf.

Just then, Professor Evans (played by Bill Goodwin) comes banging at the door, threatening Steve if he doesn't unlock it. Caroline diffuses the situation by explaining that she's just showing the new student around, and then the pair leaves Steve to get settled in...

...but not without one last gift from Caroline. "Oh, and by the way, I almost forgot. Here is your freshman beanie. You will be required to wear it at all times."

Next, we're treated to a musical interlude from the music teacher, Ethel Smith, who, in reality was a famous pop organist. She plays 'Tico Tico' with help from the students. Watch here.

Oh, and word spreads about the new male student, Steve Elliot, who wrote many of their favourite songs. A few of them head over to his quarters to catch a glimpse of their musical idol. These two are Jean and Janis, the most prominent students that we'll hear from.

Janis Paige made her film debut here, and she has gone on to star in a few of my favourite movies: Romance on the High Seas and Bachelor in Paradise.

The next morning, Steve shows up for his first music class, but the girls advise him that they set back Professor Hendrick's clock by 10 minutes.

That leaves Steve plenty of time to do a slapstick bit about how women get ready in the morning. It's quite funny, if you can watch the movie (YouTube, alas, did not come through!).

When Professor Hendricks, or Piccolo Pete, as the students call him, shows up, he makes them sing 'Loch Lommond', which is a Scottish folk song that's super catchy (it's where 'You take the low road and I'll take high and I'll be in Scotland afore ye' comes from. Apologies if this gets in your head, it's in mine!).

Steve can barely keep his eyes opening, leading the Professor to wonder if they're all boring him. He says no, he just needs a second chance at the song and his own arrangement, which the Professor grants.

Janis and Jean stop by that evening to bring him coffee and donuts, and he wrangles them into his performance.

Everyone's invited, naturally, including Caroline and Dean Clinton, both hoping to find a reason to flunk Steve out of school.

But instead, everybody loves Steve's jazzy new rendition of 'Loch Lommond' (featuring lyrics such as "I'll take the high note and you'll take the low note and we'll make sweet music together" in lieu of the high road/low road metaphor).

Professor Hendricks says that he's forced to give Steve an A in music. Caroline's aghast. Dean Clinton seems to be coming around.

That evening, Caroline's in her quarters alone when she hears a voice. (Side note: she looks so elegant here.)

It's Steve, naturally, trying to woo her and explain the whole mess, but she won't hear of it. "Rule 113: 'Students are invited at all times to bring to the members of the faculty problems of a personal nature.' Now, I have a problem, and it's very personal," Steve tells her.

It's that his bed is too cold without her in it, and it's too short; it's nothing like the bed she'd picked out for them in California. She tells him that if he misses California so much, he's welcome to go back.

But then Steve's forced to hide in the closet as Professor Evans and his "elephant," as Steve calls his dog, come around the house.

Steve: Hey, what's that guy hanging around you for?

Caroline: Why, we're very dear friends. In fact, we're more than friends, we're... We're practically engaged.

Steve: Well, congratu- Engaged? You're married to me.

Caroline: I won't be when that annulment comes through.

They make plans to go to the movies, after Professor Evans says he wishes Caroline would've stuck around for the summer, and she says she regrets having gone to California. Duke, the Great Dane, plunks himself in front of the closet door while Caroline and Evans go to a double feature in the village.

Caroline whispers into the closet that if he's not back in his quarters by 9:00, she'll have to expel him, and then she takes off.

To get out of the room and past Duke, he dresses in some of Caroline's clothing and heads back to his dormitory.

Where George is waiting for him.

George: Now, listen, schoolboy. I'll give you 10 days to finish my score or I'll raise a scandal, it'll blast you out.

Steve: George...

George: And the dean and Caroline with you.

Steve: Oh, you wouldn't.

George: Oh, wouldn't I? I'd do anything for my water pageant.

Steve tells him that he hasn't been able to write a line since Caroline left him on their wedding day, and when he finds Maria and the person who put her up to it, he'll choke the truth from them. Just as he's about to question George as to why he was so quick to show up in California, George deflects.

"I'm interested in your happiness. I want you to stay here in this school until you win back your little bride." Steve tells him that doing all of his homework would be most helpful, with George quipping that, "It looks like I'm working your way through college."

But Maria's closer than they might think!

At the next faculty meeting, the staff is discussing Steve. He's exceeding in his classes, so they can't expel him on scholastic grounds, and he only has 55 demerit points. It's a long way to go until he reaches 100 points; but the dance teacher is optimistic that she can get him over the total.

Naturally, this means that Steve has to wear the tights and tutu...

...and you can guess how his foray into ballet goes.

That's unfortunate timing!

Watch the full scene here:

Red Skelton truly was a master of physical comedy.

Dean Clinton drops by Caroline's residence to discuss the Steve situation. "We might as well face it, dear. Tomorrow is Parents' Day, isn't it? And in spite of all our efforts, Mr. Elliott's still here."

She doesn't know how she's going to explain his presence to the parents, and she's disappointed in herself that they haven't gotten rid of him yet. But, perhaps, she says, if a young woman takes him out and keeps him out past curfew, and if Professor Evans is waiting at the gates to expel him, that would work?

Caroline agrees to the plan, and puts on perhaps my most favourite movie dress of all time to woo Steve. Esther Williams borrowed this dress in real life to wear out and about, and can you blame her? If I ever get married, I want to replicate this, with the teal and magenta stripes and all, for my wedding dress.

Uh oh! Maria's showed up at the restaurant and she's demanding to speak to George Adams!

They usher her into a back room before anyone can see her, though.

Steve: For a minute, I thought I was dreaming. I can't believe it's really me, sitting across from you. It looks like you. You know, I nearly gave up a couple of times but then you'd say or you'd do some little thing that made me feel you still cared.

Caroline: Would I?

Steve: I knew once you had time to think you'd never believe the stuff that crazy woman said in California.

He tells her all about his plans for them once they return to California and put all this behind them, and even maps out the floor plan of their home. He wants to go back to Victoria College, pack up their things and head back to California; and Caroline's resistance is wearing thin. To buy herself some time, she insists on dancing.

Maria, meanwhile, is looking for an escape and a way to find the people she needs to talk with. Good thing George left Steve's address on a notepad in his room...

...it's not like Maria's not smart or stealthy and could figure out how to get there, or anything.

Professor Evans is waiting at the gate for Steve and Caroline to return. "Well, Duke, tonight we have occasion for rejoicing. Before the cock crows, Mr. Steven Elliott will be out of our lives forever."

Caroline: Dear?

Steve: Yes, darling?

Caroline: There never really was anything between you and that awful woman, was there?

Steve: Of course not.

Caroline: I knew deep down in my heart there couldn't be. If she were really your wife, she would have had a marriage license. Of course, there were those three little red-haired boys.

Steve: There are millions of redheaded boys all over the world. I couldn't be the father of all of them.

Caroline: No, of course not, darling. Forgive me? Are you happy?

Steve: Happy? I'm delirious. Why shouldn't I be? Gosh, I've got my wife back,

I'm on the first lap of our honeymoon. A man couldn't ask for any more.

Caroline: No, only, it took a long time to walk from that church to the bridal suite.

Steve: But we finally made it, didn't we?

Caroline: Well, not quite, dear.

Steve: What do you mean? We're on our way to pack, aren't we?

Caroline: Well, yes, of course. But I'm afraid when we get to the gate Willis might not let you in.

Steve: Willis might not, why?

Caroline: Well, you're out after hours and he's waiting to expel you.

Steve: I'm gonna knock that petunia-presser right on his trapeoliums. Hey, wait a minute. How did he know you were with me?

Caroline: Oh, I... I don't know, dear. Unless it's because I told him. You'd better turn here, dear.

Steve: You told him.

Caroline: Oh, look, darling. I simply had to get you out of school before the parents come tomorrow. And well, it seemed the only way to do it. Honey, I didn't know I was gonna fall in love with you all over again and that I'd wanna leave Victoria with you.

Steve: Oh, that's different. Come on, let's go.

Caroline: Oh, no. I can't leave on such short notice. It's not fair to Dean Clinton.

Steve: No, we've got to be fair to Dean Clinton.

Caroline: Oh, you're not mad, are you?

Steve: Oh, no, I'm as happy as a lark. You're just going in, I'm staying out. Nothing to get mad about.

Caroline: Oh, but, sweetheart. You know you can't come in. Tomorrow's Parents' Day, and tonight is definitely not Husband's Night. Besides, you can't get through the gate. Of course,

you could climb over the wall.

Steve: Yeah, the wall.

Caroline: Just to pack your bags, of course.

Steve: Oh, of course. Yeah. Will you come down to the room and help me pack?

Caroline: Of course.

Steve: I'll climb over that wall. I'll jump over it.

Caroline: I'll drive through and tell Willis you've left.

They part with a kiss, their plan in place.

Steve's packing, but then...

..."Steve Elliot, your hour has come. You've been chosen to join the order of the wise and worthy witches of Alpha Nu."

The students only get to rush him as long as it take for Caroline to show up, and when she does, they all hide.

"Carry me over the threshold," she tells him. Just as Caroline's trying to get romantic, yet another intruder shows up.

This time it's Carlos.

Eventually, all the subterfuge is revealed, and Jean comes to tell them that her parents are on their way with Dean Clinton, and that they've got to hide again.

"I assure you, Mrs. Allenwood, the young man has already left Victoria," Dean Clinton tells Jean's mother. "Nevertheless, I prefer to see it with my own eyes," she replies.

Oh, and Maria's been hiding in the closet this whole time, and Steve's been trying to keep her away from Caroline. Too bad George also shows up and gets stuck in the closet with Maria.

Caroline also winds up hiding in the closet after Mrs. Allenwood comes back for a lost key, and sees George and the mysterious woman who crashed her wedding.

Now that everyone's rushing out of their hiding spots, so too come Maria and George.

"I know the whole story, I just can't live with it!"

Aaaaand there goes the sorority and Carlos!

Steve: George, I've ruined everything. I've embarrassed the dean, disgraced Victoria College and caused Caroline to lose her job.

George: You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Steve: I am. I came in to say goodbye.

George: Goodbye? Where are you going?

Steve: I don't know. I'd jump in the river but the water reminds me of Caroline.

George: But what about my songs?

Steve: George, I'll make you a proposition. Star Caroline in your water pageant, I'll see you get the songs for the opening.

George: Star Caroline? But she's unknown, Steve.

Steve: Well, that's my proposition. You can take it or leave it.

George: Take it? I got to take it.

Caroline comes rushing out of her dressing room, asking Steve for forgiveness. It turns out Maria finally told her the truth about the wedding shenanigans, and she wants Steve to forgive her for running away.