Not a Christmas Story: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

It's time to revisit our friends at WJM at Christmas—no, not at Christmas! It’s only November still in this episode, but you'll see why it's a Christmas classic. 

gif by me

This episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show originally aired on November 9, 1974, in the show's fifth season. 

The gang's getting ready to leave the studio after the news program airs, but before they go, Murray has a suggestion for a new tagline for Ted, so he runs it by Mary. 

Well, Ted overhears and wants to read it, too. "Good evening, this is Ted Baxter with news from around the world and around the corner." 

Ted likes it, but he wants the weekend to practice it. He also thinks it should be switched around to "around the corner and around the world." 

But before he even leaves the building, he reads the line to Ollie the elevator operator, and they both agree: they like it with "around the corner" first. 

It turns into a thing, with Mary and Lou dragged into it, and Murray and Ted both passionately arguing for their version. Lou, who's late for a poker game, decides to let Mary decide. Mary says she's going to take the weekend to decide. 

Murray then shows up at her apartment on the weekend, after having told her that his weekend plans involved going to the dentist then "I've got to put up the storm windows and unclog a drain in the kids' bathroom. And then Sunday I'm gonna do some of the unpleasant chores I've been putting off." 

He came by to tell her that whether she decides on around the corner, around the world, or around the mulberry bush, he'll respect her decision. She tells him that she's already decided: she wants to go with the way Murray wrote it, "around the world and around the corner." 

Every intertitle is scenes of a blizzard that's about to blow through Minneapolis, and the newsroom is trying to get the weather news ready for the broadcast. 

Enter Sue Ann! She loves the weather outside. 

"Isn't it simply beautiful out there? Mmm! I mean, snow always inspires such awe in me. Just consider one single snowflake alone. So delicate, so fragile, so ethereal. And yet, let a billion of them come together...through the majestic force of nature, they can screw up a whole city."

And she's all gussied up for Christmas, even though it's early November and Thanksgiving hasn't even happened yet, because she's filming a Christmas special in her studio: Yuletide Yummies for Worldwide Tummies, featuring Christmas cuisine from around the globe. 

She invites the newsroom down after their show to feast on all the food she made, but they all beg off. Mary's got a date, Murray's got to get home, and Lou...he has no plans, but he won't go. "I hate that sort of stuff," he says. 

Anyways, Ted shows up after Sue Ann leaves, saying that his car got stuck outside in the blizzard and he had to walk 15 blocks to get to the studio. He left Georgette (his wife) in the car, but don't worry! He told her she could listen to the radio while she waited for the tow truck to come and dig her out. 

Here comes the main conflict: Ted notices that the script hasn't been updated, it still says "around the world and around the corner." Mary says that she decided, as producer, that she wanted the line read Murray's way. 

Ted says that he can't do it, won't do it, that he can't stand by and do something wrong, and he knows saying the line that way would be the wrong thing to do. 

In the interest of saving time, since it's nearly 6:00, Mary decides that Ted'll read the same line he's read for years and they'll decide on a new line Tuesday. They spend so much time arguing over which way to read the line that the top of the hour comes and Ted's not on the air. 

So now Lou's dragged back into it, and as they huddle around the television set in the corner, they watch as Ted says, "This is Ted Baxter with tonight's news...from around the corner and around the globe." 

Murray is furious. So furious that he quits. Mary tells him not to quit over two "dumb little words" and he takes offense at that. Mary tries to argue that maybe Ted just forgot, given how many times she'd written and rewritten the words on his script pages, but Murray doesn't buy it, he knows Ted did it deliberately. 

Now Lou's furious...at Mary! "Oh, this is just terrific. I said, "Mary, handle a little matter for me. Just a simple little matter about a couple of words. What happens? Chaos!" 

Then they all start yelling at each other. Murray yells at Lou for yelling at Mary, saying if he hadn't rushed off to a poker game and fobbed it off on her in the first place, this could've been resolved on Friday. Mary yells at Murray for not believing that she could make the decision. Then Lou starts yelling at Mary again because she's yelling at Murray. 

Lou: What're you yelling at Murray for?!
Mary: Cause I'm too much of a coward to yell at you!

Then Ted comes into the bullpen, pleased as punch for having read the news his way, and they all start yelling at him. Ted says he respected that she made the decision, but it was a lousy decision and he couldn't abide it. Murray yells that Mary should've stuck to her decision. Mary yells that she was trying to get the news on the air on time. Lou yells, "You could have fooled me!" 

And just as they're getting totally and completely angry with each other, in bursts Sue Ann again with some wonderful news (wonderful in her opinion, at least): the blizzard has closed down the city and they don't expect the parking lot to be cleared until 2:00 am!

So now the gang has no excuse to skip out on Sue Ann's dinner downstairs, isn't it wonderful? She tells them they can either take their chances on the vending machine or enjoy a "sumptuous eight-course banquet with me, featuring Soufflé Tour Légende, Veal à la Grecque...and enough free booze to knock you all on your keisters."

They're sold!

Poor Georgette... she walked all the way to the studio in this weather, she just wants to sit down, but Ted tells her to come along, they're going to Christmas dinner. 

Georgette: Oh Ted, just once, could we please pay full price and have Christmas dinner on December 25th? 

Downstairs, Sue Ann's all decorated for Christmas. Georgette likens it to a Kodiak commercial. Notice what's hanging between Lou and Sue Ann? 

Sue Ann: It's asparagus fern, but what the hell!

Gosh, they're grumpy! Sue Ann has one rule for Christmas dinner: since it's a worldwide feast, they all have to wear cultural hats. She puts on a Dutch hat, and Georgette decides on a Scottish tam. I believe Ted's got a kalpak-style hat (correct me if I'm wrong!)...

...Mary winds up with a German-style helmet...

...I think Murray's is Spanish...

...and Lou sports a sombrero. 

Sue Ann and Georgette offer to prepare the food as long as Mary, Lou, Ted and Murray all sing Christmas Carols. Ted doesn't want to sing, Murray does...

"I leave the decision up to you. Think you can handle it, Mary?" Lou asks. They all start singing 'The 12 Days of Christmas' without much spirit, and then Lou snaps. Nobody wants to sing, nobody wants to wear dumb hats, they just want to eat. 

So Sue Ann, chastened, goes along with it, and says they might as well eat, since it's not even Christmas.

Then Georgette begins to sing 'Silent Night' all by herself. 

Just when it appears the gang might soften up and forgive each other, Mary asks, "Anyone remember why we were angry with each other?"

"Yeah, I can remember," and "So can I," and "Well, I sure can," and "Yeah? Well, me too!" echoes around the table. The fight continues...

But when we get back from the final commercial break, we find out that maybe they were all just hangry, since they're all forgiving each other and apologizing. 

Lou: I was mean, rude, and rotten the whole night. 
Sue Ann: Don't apologize, you were just being yourself! 

They then wonder how they could've been so rotten to each other, on Christmas, of all days! Keep in mind it's still early November for them. 

And as the credits roll, the gang begins to sing another Christmas Carol: 'Deck the Halls.' 

THE END!